Time Heals All Wounds

It has been 2 weeks since Gracie passed away. The mourning continues. Shortly after Gracie’s passing, I pulled quite a bit of research on mourning. As our household had 2 dogs, I was as concerned with my other dog’s grief, as I was with my own. Do dogs grieve? And, if so, how do I recognize the signs and what do I do to help her?

Some may know the TV show, The Dog Whisperer. Cesar Millan is renowned for his canine behavioral techniques. He has also authored a multitude of writings. I read an article Cesar wrote on coping with a dog’s death. Cesar said that the death of a dog is a hard reality all dog owners eventually face, and the sense of loss can be overwhelming. Each of us handles mourning differently; the most important thing to do is allow yourself to grieve and not put a limit on how long it should last. Make sure to go through the grief, so you are able to move on. He suggested that if it is especially painful, to put away the bed, toys and pictures of your dog while you go through that mourning period. Often having these reminders around makes it harder to move on. Most importantly is to be aware that your grief will affect the other pets in your home. If you are still in mourning, you may block them from being able to move on also.

I haven’t taken the advice about putting away the pictures, bed or toys. Having those items around has helped me to feel close to Gracie, even though she is gone. Maybe it’s prolonging my grief, I’m not sure, but I can’t bear to put any of her away.

An article from Field and Steam titled “Good Grief”, stated that nothing infiltrates a man's defenses like the untimely death of a dog. All of us, men and women, carry the imprint of and the craving for the unconditional love we received as children. Human love is never unconditional, never absolute. Screw up bad enough or long enough, and love folds its tent. That's why we need dogs. You could axe-murder everybody in your office, carjack your own mother, and plow into a crosswalk full of school kids while fleeing the police, but when you pull into the driveway two days later, your dog would still shiver and whine with uncontrollable joy, in effect saying, Boy, did I miss you!

When one dog dies, owners will often notice some changes in the pets that are left behind. They may become aloof or lethargic. Some may stop eating or become clingy. Based on these outward signs, it appears that dogs do grieve when their canine companion dies. Because our pets cannot speak, we do not really know what is going through their minds or what they are thinking. We must base our interpretations of their emotional state on their behavior.

When a person experiences the death of a human loved one, we may know he feels grief based on what he says. Very often, however, it is how he reacts or what he does that tells us he is suffering. He loses his focus, becomes listless and disoriented, doesn't eat and becomes disinterested in what is happening around him. He may cry or go without sleep or sleep more than usual.

An animal that is experiencing the loss of another animal companion may react similarly. They show symptoms similar to humans such as loss of interest in their favorite activities and sleeping more than usual. If the deceased dog was taken to a veterinarian to be euthanized, the grieving dog may sit at the window for days watching for her return. Animal behaviorists commonly call this emotional state separation anxiety. On the surface, the pet's behavior is similar to that of a person experiencing grief over the loss of a loved one. If your dog shows signs that she is grieving the loss of an animal or human family member, provide her with more attention and affection. Time is one thing that may help. Most dogs returned to normal after about two weeks but some dogs took up to six months to fully recover.

Another article on grieving indicated that life can change drastically for a dog who loses the companionship of another dog. We don't know how much dogs understand about death. Helping your dog adjust to this loss will help you at the same time. Realize that without the other canine pack member, your dog's position in life has now changed. You may now have a former leader dog without a follower. Or you may have a former follower dog without a canine leader. You will need to help your dog find the way to a healthy new position in the social order. It takes time to work through grief. What you do to help your dog adjust to the life changes of losing a canine companion can be wonderfully healing for you.

Maggie, Gracie’s companion, seemed to understand Gracie’s death. She laid with me as I laid with Gracie during her final hours. She responded to Gracie’s moans and was interested in our handling of her body. I truly believe that Maggie understood; being with her during the months of her treatment must have led her to understand that Gracie was sick and ultimately that she died. I would like to believe that it was easier on Maggie that Gracie died at home in our presence, then if we had taken her away to be euthanized.

Maggie seems to show only signs of the clinginess. I have tried to keep her routine intact and not to cry as much around her. She has been treated to some special visits from other family members and other special things. I feel that I am still mourning each day. Time heals all wounds, I’ve always heard.

I am truly appreciative of this opportunity to research the plethora of questions that flooded my mind when I heard the words, “Gracie has cancer”. I had never blogged before and found this to be a remarkable experience. I feel my research and postings led me on both an intellectual and emotional journey. This was a much more effective way of research and documentation than that of the traditional research project. The added requirement of the visual rhetoric provided a learning experience that seemed more relevant in the blog format. I am slightly saddened that there are not more required postings, and yet, I’m not sure if my emotional state could take on any more. This topic was important to me. Though I had hoped the project would end before we lost Gracie, I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to research and be prepared for Gracie’s passing.

Rest in peace, Gracie Lou. You will forever be loved.

Citations:

Davis, K. (2003, March). The canine behavior series: Grieving. Retrieved November 22 2009 from http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Content.plx?P=A&A=1400&S=1.

Gracie & Maggie. (2008, August). Image of Gracie & Maggie from the Treadwell family digital photo album.

Heavey, B. (2008, June). Good Grief. Field & Stream, Vol 113 Issue 2, p108. Retrieved from the Ebscohost database.

Milan, C. (n.d.). Coping with a dog’s death. Retrieved November 22, 2009 from http://www.cesarsway.com/tips/basics/coping-with-a-dogs-death.

PetPlace Staff. (n.d.). Do dogs mourn? Retrieved November 22, 2009 from http://www.petplace.com/dogs/do-dogs-mourn/page1.aspx.